The Beach is Silent
That's the realest shit I've ever wrote. I'm going to do a quick recap of Friday and night to show you what lead me to that conclusion....
***Day***
I started the day by going to breakfast. I ordered something light. I still had a hangover from the night before, so all I could stomach was a bowl of fruit, water and an Ibuprofen. The resturant was less than satisfactory. My apples were old, Shimmy's grits were watery. Someone has a picture of them...they were that bad. I'll post it when I get the picks. After that I went to the beach to deepen my skin color. Thursday I was light-skinned...Friday I was sunkissed caramel and loving it!!! I stayed out there for a few hours reading my book and taking an occasional dip in the ocean to cool off from the sun... After I left there, me, Shimmy and Marlon went to Wet Willies to eat and drink. I know it was early, but when you're on vacation you start drinking any time after noon...LOL! If you are ever in Miami go to Wet Willies. Its on 8th and Ocean. This place has a plethora of drinks that are off the chain. I had a Grape Escape...a lot of liquor. I went back to the condo to chill and then my phone started blowing up. My girl Candice from STL wanted to meet. She has been living in Miami for a few years, so whenever I come in town I try to hit her up. Then Sexy called me wanting to meet, so to kill 2 birds with 1 stone I told him meet me up at Wet Willies.
It's funny how people change over time. I haven't seen Candice since October 2004 and the last time I saw her she was still STL. Yesterday, she was Miami. You know what I mean? She had weave, had lost a little weight and was chilling. I was shocked. She always had a good head of hair with nice length, so I didn't understand the weave, but whatever floats your boat. I found out that some more people I know from STL were also in town, so we walked down to the Clevelander and met up with them. I enjoyed seeing them and catching up. I hadn't seen them in like 3 years. Candice and her girl had to go, so I set at the outdoor bar of the Clevelander, ordered a drink and played the waiting game for Sexy. He showed up fresh to death. I mean, it should be a crime for a person to just be naturally sexy without any effort. His entire essence is just beautiful.
We sat there listening to the music, grooving and drinking. Next thing I know the sun has went down and the Clevelander dancers have hit the stage. I'm talking all glitter and glamour. They wore gold colored 2-piece mini skirt bikini top outfits with sequins and face masks. These girls were dancing their asses off...and it was hot. It wasn't a pole dance type situation. They were doing hip hop video type dancing. There was one male dancer and he was fit as hell. This dude had a straight up 8-pack...sexy, sexy. Although, he looked gay ass hell.
After a while, everyone met us there and we headed to SoBe to finish the night, which is right next to Mansion...can we say "Club Hopping". Shimmy's boy writes for the newspaper here, so we had the connect and front of line access. Sobe was off the chain, though. So, when everyone was talking about leaving SoBe to go to Mansion I wasn't feeling that. I mean, the DJ was good playing all the hottest hits, the crowd was nice and the drinks were strong. Why leave? Well they left and Sexy, Ohio, Bloomington and myself stayed behind. Next thing I know For all my Chi-town folks, there was a dude in the club with a 150 hat on...no bullshit. Immediately me and Sexy knew dude was from Chicago and he was...LOL! I haven't seen one of those hats in well over 10 years...niggas...LOL! Your girl was drunk by the end of the night. I'm talking stumbling and the whole 9. Mind you I had been drinking since like 4 in the afternoon, so come 4 in the morning I was lit. We immediately hit the closest pizza joint and of course the food was the best. I dont know if it was the liquor that loved the pizza or me, but it was the best pizza in Southbeach. Everyone else went to their respective places and Sexy and I went to chill on the beach to talk and shoot the shit.
This is where the story gets hairy...
***The Sandman***
So, it's about 5 in the morning, nice breeze on the beach, lit by the moonlight. So, Sexy and I decide to find a secluded spot to chill and talk. We post up a little far back from the water where there really isn't anyone around. We're chilling, sharing a kiss or 2...nothing major. So, Sexy suggests that we move because the beach started getting crowded where we were. I mean niggas have come down with lawn chairs and coolers laughing and what not. More couples are walking down the beach closer to the water. So, we stand up and I can't find my purse. I'm like okay...I know I had it because I just gave him a peppermint not to long ago. So we're looking and digging in the sand trying find my purse, which was a black coach wristlit. It was a Christmas gift from my ex's parents. I had $150, ID, debit card, credit card, and cell phone in the purse...all the essentials. So, imagine Ren and Stimpy standing there looking around scratching our heads like WTF!!! Did it just vanish in thin air? Did someone so boldly walk up and take it without us noticing? I doubt that one. At least I think me senses are keener than that. So, what happend?
Now it's like 6 or so in the morning and we walk back across the street to the condo. Mind you, the key was in my purse too and I don't know anyones number by heart. Who really knows anyone's number by heart anymore? So, we head out to Sexy's house to get some sleep and we'll come back in the morning. By the time we make it to his house the sun is out and I can barely stay awake.
We get up at 11 and head back to my place. Luckily, someone was coming into the building to let me in...whew, but we get to the room and no one is there. Honestly, I half expected them to be. It's 11 in the morning. I already knew they were probably out eating and heading straight to the beach and I refused to walk down Ocean looking like yesterday. Me and Sexy posted up in the hallway and had a good laugh...I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. We sat for about 10 minutes and then M-dubb came around the corner!!!! Imagine my elation. He was coming back to the room to drop some stuff off before heading to the beach. God is good.
Once inside I immediatly cancel my cards, get my cell phone suspended, call the airline, call my mother to ask her to fax my birth certificate. I would need that to get on the plane. I call the police to see what I need to do. When I called Bank of America to suspend everything and request another card they tell me that someone tried to get some gas at 8 in the morning. WTF! I didn't trip because I'm not responsible I just thought it was funny. After getting my life in order Sexy and I decided to grab a bite to eat and go to the police station which is right on 11th and Washington. This is where the Sand Man comes in.
So, we go to the police station and I proceed to file the report. Here is the conversation.
Me: Last night my purse was stolen on the beach.
Officer: (While nodding) It happens all the time. At least every 5 minutes someone comes in and tells me their purse was stolen.
Me: It vanished in thin air. One minute it was there and the next it wasn't.
Officer: Oh. (Very non-chalantly) You got got by the "Sand Man".
Me: The who?!
Officer: The Sand Man. There are theives that at night they get in the sand and cover themselves up with sand. They crawl to the unsuspecting victim and grab your belongs and you are none the wiser.
Me and Sexy in unison: WTF!!!!
Officer: They can come within 2 inches of you and you will never know.
So, I'm standing there shaking my head, mouth wide open in disbelief and chill bumps running up my arms. That's a scary scenerio to conceptualize. But, it explains why me and him didn't hear anything, see anything or feel anything. When you are chilling on the beach you kick of your shoes, hat, or whatever and lay everything to the side preparing to layout or whatever, you keep an eye out for someone coming over, but you don't think it's going to be swallowed in to the sand. On the one hand, I was relieved that I wasn't just that unaware to have someone walk up on me and take my shit. At least, I was the victim of someone complex scheme. On the other hand, I was pissed that people are running around ripping people off like that. Here is where Officer #2 enters. He had walked over to sign the reports.
Officer #1: She was robbed on the beach.
Officer #2: They just took it?
Officer #1: Nah, the Sand Man got her.
Officer #2: Ahhh...(as he nods his head in understanding) See, this happens all the time. We catch these people, but there are a lot of people out here doing this. Which is one reason we don't like people on the beach at night. Don't be embarrassed it's dark out there and the sand is all discontorted anyway and these people do this for a living and have it down to a science.
Me: After hearing this I'm just thankful to be alive.
I try to find the silver lining in everything. I got my life, I was able to cancel everything, I was with people that were more than happy to fund the rest of my weekend...not to mention all the willing men that wanted to buy me lunch and drinks and I was still happy. They stole my belongings, but they didn't steal my joy...which at this junction of my life is the most important thing to me.
The weekend continued with much foolery!!! Trust me. I'll continue to add stories as the week progresses. I don't want to write a 4 page post. This post is long enough.
SMOOCHES :)
***Day***
I started the day by going to breakfast. I ordered something light. I still had a hangover from the night before, so all I could stomach was a bowl of fruit, water and an Ibuprofen. The resturant was less than satisfactory. My apples were old, Shimmy's grits were watery. Someone has a picture of them...they were that bad. I'll post it when I get the picks. After that I went to the beach to deepen my skin color. Thursday I was light-skinned...Friday I was sunkissed caramel and loving it!!! I stayed out there for a few hours reading my book and taking an occasional dip in the ocean to cool off from the sun... After I left there, me, Shimmy and Marlon went to Wet Willies to eat and drink. I know it was early, but when you're on vacation you start drinking any time after noon...LOL! If you are ever in Miami go to Wet Willies. Its on 8th and Ocean. This place has a plethora of drinks that are off the chain. I had a Grape Escape...a lot of liquor. I went back to the condo to chill and then my phone started blowing up. My girl Candice from STL wanted to meet. She has been living in Miami for a few years, so whenever I come in town I try to hit her up. Then Sexy called me wanting to meet, so to kill 2 birds with 1 stone I told him meet me up at Wet Willies.
It's funny how people change over time. I haven't seen Candice since October 2004 and the last time I saw her she was still STL. Yesterday, she was Miami. You know what I mean? She had weave, had lost a little weight and was chilling. I was shocked. She always had a good head of hair with nice length, so I didn't understand the weave, but whatever floats your boat. I found out that some more people I know from STL were also in town, so we walked down to the Clevelander and met up with them. I enjoyed seeing them and catching up. I hadn't seen them in like 3 years. Candice and her girl had to go, so I set at the outdoor bar of the Clevelander, ordered a drink and played the waiting game for Sexy. He showed up fresh to death. I mean, it should be a crime for a person to just be naturally sexy without any effort. His entire essence is just beautiful.
We sat there listening to the music, grooving and drinking. Next thing I know the sun has went down and the Clevelander dancers have hit the stage. I'm talking all glitter and glamour. They wore gold colored 2-piece mini skirt bikini top outfits with sequins and face masks. These girls were dancing their asses off...and it was hot. It wasn't a pole dance type situation. They were doing hip hop video type dancing. There was one male dancer and he was fit as hell. This dude had a straight up 8-pack...sexy, sexy. Although, he looked gay ass hell.
After a while, everyone met us there and we headed to SoBe to finish the night, which is right next to Mansion...can we say "Club Hopping". Shimmy's boy writes for the newspaper here, so we had the connect and front of line access. Sobe was off the chain, though. So, when everyone was talking about leaving SoBe to go to Mansion I wasn't feeling that. I mean, the DJ was good playing all the hottest hits, the crowd was nice and the drinks were strong. Why leave? Well they left and Sexy, Ohio, Bloomington and myself stayed behind. Next thing I know For all my Chi-town folks, there was a dude in the club with a 150 hat on...no bullshit. Immediately me and Sexy knew dude was from Chicago and he was...LOL! I haven't seen one of those hats in well over 10 years...niggas...LOL! Your girl was drunk by the end of the night. I'm talking stumbling and the whole 9. Mind you I had been drinking since like 4 in the afternoon, so come 4 in the morning I was lit. We immediately hit the closest pizza joint and of course the food was the best. I dont know if it was the liquor that loved the pizza or me, but it was the best pizza in Southbeach. Everyone else went to their respective places and Sexy and I went to chill on the beach to talk and shoot the shit.
This is where the story gets hairy...
***The Sandman***
So, it's about 5 in the morning, nice breeze on the beach, lit by the moonlight. So, Sexy and I decide to find a secluded spot to chill and talk. We post up a little far back from the water where there really isn't anyone around. We're chilling, sharing a kiss or 2...nothing major. So, Sexy suggests that we move because the beach started getting crowded where we were. I mean niggas have come down with lawn chairs and coolers laughing and what not. More couples are walking down the beach closer to the water. So, we stand up and I can't find my purse. I'm like okay...I know I had it because I just gave him a peppermint not to long ago. So we're looking and digging in the sand trying find my purse, which was a black coach wristlit. It was a Christmas gift from my ex's parents. I had $150, ID, debit card, credit card, and cell phone in the purse...all the essentials. So, imagine Ren and Stimpy standing there looking around scratching our heads like WTF!!! Did it just vanish in thin air? Did someone so boldly walk up and take it without us noticing? I doubt that one. At least I think me senses are keener than that. So, what happend?
Now it's like 6 or so in the morning and we walk back across the street to the condo. Mind you, the key was in my purse too and I don't know anyones number by heart. Who really knows anyone's number by heart anymore? So, we head out to Sexy's house to get some sleep and we'll come back in the morning. By the time we make it to his house the sun is out and I can barely stay awake.
We get up at 11 and head back to my place. Luckily, someone was coming into the building to let me in...whew, but we get to the room and no one is there. Honestly, I half expected them to be. It's 11 in the morning. I already knew they were probably out eating and heading straight to the beach and I refused to walk down Ocean looking like yesterday. Me and Sexy posted up in the hallway and had a good laugh...I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. We sat for about 10 minutes and then M-dubb came around the corner!!!! Imagine my elation. He was coming back to the room to drop some stuff off before heading to the beach. God is good.
Once inside I immediatly cancel my cards, get my cell phone suspended, call the airline, call my mother to ask her to fax my birth certificate. I would need that to get on the plane. I call the police to see what I need to do. When I called Bank of America to suspend everything and request another card they tell me that someone tried to get some gas at 8 in the morning. WTF! I didn't trip because I'm not responsible I just thought it was funny. After getting my life in order Sexy and I decided to grab a bite to eat and go to the police station which is right on 11th and Washington. This is where the Sand Man comes in.
So, we go to the police station and I proceed to file the report. Here is the conversation.
Me: Last night my purse was stolen on the beach.
Officer: (While nodding) It happens all the time. At least every 5 minutes someone comes in and tells me their purse was stolen.
Me: It vanished in thin air. One minute it was there and the next it wasn't.
Officer: Oh. (Very non-chalantly) You got got by the "Sand Man".
Me: The who?!
Officer: The Sand Man. There are theives that at night they get in the sand and cover themselves up with sand. They crawl to the unsuspecting victim and grab your belongs and you are none the wiser.
Me and Sexy in unison: WTF!!!!
Officer: They can come within 2 inches of you and you will never know.
So, I'm standing there shaking my head, mouth wide open in disbelief and chill bumps running up my arms. That's a scary scenerio to conceptualize. But, it explains why me and him didn't hear anything, see anything or feel anything. When you are chilling on the beach you kick of your shoes, hat, or whatever and lay everything to the side preparing to layout or whatever, you keep an eye out for someone coming over, but you don't think it's going to be swallowed in to the sand. On the one hand, I was relieved that I wasn't just that unaware to have someone walk up on me and take my shit. At least, I was the victim of someone complex scheme. On the other hand, I was pissed that people are running around ripping people off like that. Here is where Officer #2 enters. He had walked over to sign the reports.
Officer #1: She was robbed on the beach.
Officer #2: They just took it?
Officer #1: Nah, the Sand Man got her.
Officer #2: Ahhh...(as he nods his head in understanding) See, this happens all the time. We catch these people, but there are a lot of people out here doing this. Which is one reason we don't like people on the beach at night. Don't be embarrassed it's dark out there and the sand is all discontorted anyway and these people do this for a living and have it down to a science.
Me: After hearing this I'm just thankful to be alive.
I try to find the silver lining in everything. I got my life, I was able to cancel everything, I was with people that were more than happy to fund the rest of my weekend...not to mention all the willing men that wanted to buy me lunch and drinks and I was still happy. They stole my belongings, but they didn't steal my joy...which at this junction of my life is the most important thing to me.
The weekend continued with much foolery!!! Trust me. I'll continue to add stories as the week progresses. I don't want to write a 4 page post. This post is long enough.
SMOOCHES :)
posted by Ming Houser, Realtor at
10:34 PM
8 Comments:
Damn that sucks......I have a black COach wristlet too and it never leaves my sight......Imma try not to get caught up on the beach when I go next month....I know alot of ppl lose their wallets and cell phones....so imma try to keep the cash in the room and my card, Id and shit in my wristelt...which rmeinds me I should get a duplicate ID made just in case
See? this is why dudes have pockets. When I go out, I only take one card, some money and my ID. You need to vaycay like me, shawty.
Hit me up, too. I forgot to get your contact info. When you get da phone back, holla at ya boy!
Dammit, they got you too! I'm goin' back to Miami with a flamethrower!
KZ
@ M-dubb - I'll be sure to do that. I'm going to send an email out to everyone to get all info.
Read Knockout Zed's blog...they got him to...
@ Zed: Come pick me up because I'm going with you!
@ Robert - More details are coming...trust me. I'm spreading the stories out.
i'mma need you to not carry a purse or wallet within 2 weeks of your birthday. hell, just stuff 'em down your...ok cancel that. hahaha
@ Pops - Tell me about it. It feels like after my purse was stolen last year and now this year around my birthday, it may become a trend or something. I think I need an intervention...I know, I'll just start wearing it around my neck like I do when I'm in NYC...LOL!!
Dang girl I knew every city preys on tourist but dang, THE SAND MAN???
Post a Comment
<< Home